Worries and Wasting Time

I sometimes engage in the cycle of worrying, especially in regard to my children. I know, know, know (really know) that this is an unhelpful, distracting, and sometimes painful practice, but I have come to accept its presence in my life.

With my oldest turning 8 recently, I have been experiencing an array of feelings and, sure enough,  fear and anxiety are included.   As I reflected on the fears I’ve harbored over my years of parenting, I noticed a pattern that I’d like to share with you.

I remember months of longing and worry as I waited for pregnancy. These were followed by feelings of sadness, hope, and more worry as I experienced a miscarriage and time continued to pass.

When I finally became pregnant again, the months were filled with much excitement, but also present was the worry about another potential miscarriage, fear over whether the baby would be healthy, and insecurity about translating my theoretical knowledge of mothering to the real world.

The early weeks of First Born’s life were filled with indescribable love and joy…but, also fear and bewilderment.  I was unsure how I would survive the long days and nights with my little one who would not sleep.  Seriously, the child would NOT sleep!

I recall his toddler years with sunshiny memories of first words, first steps and handprint art projects…but, I also recall nights of anxious wondering if he would EVER sleep alone or graduate from diapers.

Then he entered kindergarten and I hoped he would be able to function in a classroom and keep his sensory-seeking hands to himself. He did, for the most part, with the exception of biting one kid on the bottom, but that’s another story for another day.

Now, at eight years old, he has been missing 3 teeth on top and 1 on bottom for over 6 months and my anxious self occasionally worries he will forever be snaggle toothed!

The pattern is pretty obvious (at least to a therapist): fear-fueled thinking resulting in frequent contemplation of the worst case scenario (also known as: a waste of time). I know that I am not alone with this. I speak with women all the time who are right there with me.  Over the years I have come to waste a lot less time and energy with anxiety. Things that used to haunt me for days no longer have the same power.

This blog is an example of one way that I work through my own anxiety to reduce it’s effect: I share it with others. By communicating with others about what’s going on in my head, I find support, guidance, and camaraderie. All of these are foes of “fear-fueled thinking.”

How about you? How do you manage anxiety? In my next blog entry, I will expand on some other things I’ve found helpful in reducing anxiety for both myself and clients.

Love and light-

Shea